What is Divorce Mediation? Even though it has been around for some time, in family court law it is quite new. Therefore there still seem to be many misconceptions about it.
To gain expert insight into these roles, we spoke with Dr. Judit Gaál, a Lawyer in Hungary with over 35 years of experience in family law, cross-border issues, and mediation.
In this second part of our interview, we explore 14 key questions and topics, including what is mediation and the benefits versus a family court procedure. And when it is not appropriate. Furthermore, we explore the possibilities of divorce mediation for cross border cases.
If you are interested in the first part of the interview, which is about the difference between divorce lawyers versus family law attorneys, please go here: Divorce Lawyer vs. Family Law Attorney? 8 Expert Q&A.
Don’t feel like reading? Listen to the podcast (11:40 min) instead.
Divorce Mediation
On a hot summer day, we met at Bubō, a charming café in Budapest. Across the table sits a middle-aged woman with a warm, familiar face—Dr. Judit Gaál. We first met about eight years ago. And without her guidance, my daughter and I wouldn’t share the strong relationship we have today.
However, we agreed that this interview wouldn’t focus on my personal experience. Instead, we aim to address the most pressing questions that dads facing divorce often have about mediation in divorce and custody cases.
Mediation versus Family Court
Q1: Despite being available for several years, divorce mediation still carries an air of mystery. What is divorce mediation? And what makes it different than a family court lawsuit?
Dr. Gaál: There is a fundamental difference with a regular family court procedure. A family court lawsuit always begins at the will of one of the disputing parties, based on someone’s unilateral decision. Even if the other party does not agree.
Mediation is a tool for resolving disputes outside of the judicial system through voluntary participation. Based on the mutual decision of the parties involved.
In a family court procedure, the judge will decide your problem, whereas a mediator will only facilitate you and your partner to make your own decisions. You both work out ways to cooperate and communicate. This often results in an agreement on matters such as child-related communication and visitation.
The roles of the judge and the mediator are also different. A judge, guided by material and procedural law, plays an active role and makes decisions. A mediator’s role is to facilitate your conversation, but he will never decide your case.
A family court lawsuit can last several years. This, while a mediation procedure can be completed in a few months. A shorter procedure usually means lower fees.
Moreover, the impact on the parties’ future lives differs significantly; a court battle often leads to ongoing conflict, while a mediator encourages cooperation.
Q2: What are the long-term impacts of each process?
Dr. Gaál: At the end of a lawsuit, the judgement will often leave one party feeling defeated. This can lead to lasting anger and dissatisfaction.
It can further deteriorate the relationship between parents, which can result in a hostile environment that the child witnesses and suffers from. Sometimes they might feel that they must take part of one of the parents, and this might potentially influence their future relationships with parents.
In contrast, a mediator aims to resolve disputes for the future by establishing norms of cooperation that are agreed upon by both parties. This helps the child learn to communicate and cooperate, even with difficult people.
Q3: How is mediation different from couple therapy?
Dr. Gaál: While couple therapy focuses on repairing the relationship itself, a mediator aims at resolving specific conflicts or disagreements.
If a couple decides to separate, a mediator helps them communicate and cooperate effectively in the future, particularly regarding matters like custody and visitation.
Mediation for Divorce and Custody: What to Expect?
Q4: As a mediator, could you explain how it works for divorce and custody?
Dr. Gaál: Mediation is a structured negotiation between the parties to achieve an agreement, usually under the guidance of a trained intermediary.
The process begins by hearing each party’s story separately, followed by a face-to-face meeting where both parties have equal opportunities to speak and present their perspectives.
The mediator helps brainstorm mutually beneficial solutions, and once an agreement is reached, it is summarized and can be approved by the court if necessary.
Q5: Can mediation be used in family court?
Dr. Gaál: Yes, increasingly so. In many family law cases, judges may even require parties to attempt to involve a mediator.
Some mediators operate within the judicial system and offer their services free of charge. Additionally, out-of-court mediation can be used during a family court lawsuit.
In such cases, the lawsuit in court is suspended during the process, and any agreement reached can be approved by the court, allowing for enforcement if needed.
When Mediation Fails
Q6: Why does mediation fail?
Dr. Gaál: Mediation can fail if the parties:
- Are unable to reach an agreement within the timeframe
- Or one of the parties decides not to cooperate further
Any party, including the mediator, is free to stop the process at any time.
Q7: When is mediation not appropriate?
Dr. Gaál: It is not recommended in cases of unmanageable, pathological behavior, including racist, sexually deviant attitudes, or extreme religious or philosophical beliefs.
It is also inadvisable if there is a risk of violence, abuse, or stigmatization during the process.
Q8: Will mediation work with a narcissist?
Dr. Gaál: It is easy to label someone as having a mental illness, but genuine narcissistic personality disorder can complicate the process.
If the individual truly has a severe mental illness, mediation may not be the most suitable approach for conflict resolution.
Q9: What if mediation does not work? What’s next?
Dr. Gaál: If it fails, you can proceed to court or return to court if you had previously suspended a lawsuit for mediation. In such cases, a judge will make the necessary decisions.
International Mediation and Divorce
Q10: What is international mediation? The reason I ask this is because distancedads.com has visitors from all over the world, among which many are expats.
Dr. Gaál: International mediation is a process where parties from different countries resolve disputes through a neutral third-party mediator.
This type of alternative dispute resolution addresses cross-border issues and aims to find mutually acceptable solutions that respect legal frameworks and cultural contexts.
Q11: Why is mediation important in international relations? I mean, what are the advantages compared to going to family court?
Dr. Gaál: For international couples there are several advantages over traditional family court proceedings. A mediator allows for more flexible and creative solutions that better address the needs of both parties.
The process can also be less adversarial, helping preserve relationships and avoid the complexities and delays of international litigation.
Q12: Is mediation internationally enforceable?
Dr. Gaál: Yes, mediation agreements can be internationally enforceable if drafted in compliance with relevant international treaties and conventions.
For instance, the Hague Convention on the Recognition and Enforcement of Foreign Judgments in Civil or Commercial Matters can help enforce mediation outcomes across borders.
Q13: How would international mediation work in reality?
Dr. Gaál: In practice, it involves several steps:
- Initially, parties agree to alternative dispute resolution and select a mediator with experience in cross-border disputes.
- The sessions with the mediator are conducted, if necessary, with the aid of translators and legal experts familiar with both jurisdictions.
- The mediator helps the parties reach a consensus, or not.
- If the parties reach a consensus, the resulting agreement is formalized.
- The agreement can be enforced according to international legal standards and local laws.
- If the parties do not reach a consensus, the out-of-court process terminates. Then they either go to court or find another alternative dispute resolution method.
Q14: Could you specify the skills a mediator for cross-border disputes should have?
Dr. Gaál: In general, it is best to look for:
- A multilingual lawyer, because the fewer people involved, the smoother communication will be.
- A mediator who is highly aware of cultural differences and sensitivities, as these are central to cross-border conflicts.
A mediator specializing in international family and custody law, with knowledge of international treaties and verdicts, is also highly beneficial. This avoids the need to hire additional legal experts.
Final Thoughts on Divorce Mediation
In today’s fast-paced world, communication breakdowns and stress are common, leading many to resort to conflict rather than dialogue.
Mediation offers a constructive alternative, encouraging cooperation and mutual understanding rather than adversarial confrontation.
It’s often said among lawyers in Hungary that “the best judgment is even worse than a weak agreement,” underscoring the value of finding common ground.
We hope this interview with Dr. Judit Gaál has provided you with valuable insights into the mediation process. And how it can be a viable option for resolving disputes, particularly in divorce and custody matters and even in cross-border cases.
Understanding the differences between mediation and family court, the benefits of alternative dispute resolution, and the situations where it may not be suitable, can empower you to make informed decisions, that are best for your circumstances.
And this can save you a lot of money, time and energy.
Ultimately, the goal is to resolve conflicts in a way that fosters cooperation and preserves relationships for the future.
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Below you can listen to a podcast (15:01 min) about this post
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